Last summer we signed John up for drivers ed. I'm not sure why. I suppose I was trying to avoid the following.
"You won't even let me try! How do you know if I can succeed or not if you won't let me try. You're ruining my life - crushing my dreams. Elizabeth's taking drivers ed. You love her more than me. In fact you always treat your white birth daughter better than your black adopted kids. You're a terrible parent…"
And then it goes down hill from there. I'll spare you the details. So I spend the $250, mostly to avoid the above, but also grasping at that unlikely chance that he might actually pass the test, and he could finally succeed at something. I've written before how important it is for him to realize some measure of success. Maybe this is it.
Well we ran into one problem right away. He couldn't sit still through the classes, and when the teacher redirected him, he became defiant. So there I was, on the phone again, negotiating. The teacher wanted to kick him out of the program, and he can do that. It's a private company, a private class. I'd be out the money, but oh well. I was going to try to convince him otherwise, as I had done so many, many, many times before, but then I thought better of it. "You do what you have to do. I realize I won't get my money back, but that's ok. Some day he has to learn to submit to authority. Maybe that is today. Better now than in a work setting."
Mr. M. paused, and then replied. "But I hate to do that. You know, on the road, he's the best driver in my class. I'd like to give him one more chance."
Well here we go again. John was verbally defiant and disrespectful, and darned if he wasn't given a second chance. Something about his charm, which he can bring to the fore when he needs to. It's amazing!
But to no avail. He couldn't pass the written test. Missed it by one question, and that was with a reader. To be fair, it's a hard test. Michigan has recently cranked this up quite a bit; you can't just sluff it off. Elizabeth, our honor roll daughter, only passed it by two points. But John didn't make the cut, and he walked around all summer in a blue funk. Once again, and for the zillionth time, he did not succeed.
Here we are, almost a year later, and he's trying it again. Different class, different teacher, and this time his aid is helping him. His schoolwork is suffering, as he spends all his time on drivers ed, but I think that's a fair tradeoff. School was never a resounding success even on a good day. So he studies, and takes all the practice tests - and sails through the written test with points to spare. He also does well on the road test, as he did last year. And this time around, no behavioral problems whatsoever. So now, finally, he has his permit. It's a real achievement, and nobody handed it to him. He earned it by his own hand. This has to be a good thing.
Some, including members of my extended family, say he is not emotionally mature enough to drive. Too much responsibility. And they might be right. This is a game where we never have enough information to make a good decision. But I'm afraid he's caught in a chicken-egg situation. The jobs he wants to get, and the jobs he will probably be good at, require a drivers license. And he needs a job to grow and mature, and feel good about himself. (School is not going to do it.) So if I wait for him to mature before he gets his license, before he can have a job, before he can gain self esteem and mature, I'll be waiting forever. Somebody has to break the cycle somewhere, and I think I have done just that.